Stealthy Leadership

I’ve stumbled across a stealthy youth ministry idea lately that I will be intentional about from now on.

I’ve been carrying a book in the side pocket of my cargo shorts lately. I’ve also had a magazine in my car. Both have led to some interesting conversations and a great observation.

The questions I’ve been asked about the book have allowed me to tell students and other leaders about this entertaining book that also teaches a lot about the culture behind the Bible. I’ll review the book in a future post.

The other day students in my car picked up the book an magazine and read segments from each resource to out loud. It was very entertaining & educational. The sweet thing is I didn’t ask them to do this, they just did it out of curiosity.

The youth ministry principles I discovered is that I should:

1. Keep reading because it makes my mind sharper – more on that in a future post

2. Keep reading materials around that I want my students to be exposed to. Their curiosity will get them to look through it & maybe be inspired to read it.

Here’s a sneak peak at a future post I’ll write on the subject of reading: Rick Warren says, “Once you stop learning, you stop leading.” You can only lead students as far as you have gone yourself.

Ministry Lessons: Counseling Students on Conflict With Parents

3 words of wisdom I ALWAYS give students when counseling them about conflicts with parents are:

1. Your first priority is to respect your parents
2. Even when you are sure your parents are wrong, they’re still right
3. Being humble with your parents gives you time to learn how to work through issues with them

Here’s a chat I had on Facebook tonight with a student where I gave these nuggets of wisdom:

Conflict Advice

How To Last In Youth Ministry: Working With Out-Of-Control Students

Many of us became youth ministry volunteers either because somebody helped us get through our teenage years or because we want to help others avoid the same mistakes we made during our adolescent years. However, many times leaders get overwhelmed by students once they start volunteering.

Last year I spent a few days substitute teaching at the local high school so that I could have another way to reach students. After the third day, I realized it wasn’t going to work out. They were rude, manipulative, cheating heathens. And those were just the freshman girls. Even though I’ve been working with students for 15 years, I was completely caught off guard. Instead of molding young minds, I was fighting a losing battle for my life. I was done after 3 days.

Many of us feel that way when we walk into the youth ministries of our church. I can understand the feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting to give up. Fortunately, I feel a little more equipped to handle issues at church than in our public school system. I’m not so naive to think I can blindly solve the problems specific to your ministry through an article on my blog. However, I do have some lifelines I can toss your direction with hopes of helping you last:

1. Add reinforcements – If students are taking over, that can be a sign that there isn’t enough adult presence. An ideal ratio is 7-10 students to every adult in a large group program. In a small group program, the ratio works better with 3-5 students to every leader. Adding leaders can be one of the toughest tasks in ministry. However, until you do, count on being over run. To bring in more leaders, you need to sell the potential of the ministry to other godly adults who can share the vision for what your ministry can accomplish.

2. Be ready before they arrive – Idle hands are the Devil’s playground. If students are arriving and they’re not getting your attention because your team is still getting the program setup, they will find something else to do… which could involve mischief. If they’re out of control before your program begins, the event loses a lot of it’s ministry potential.

3. Give them responsibility – A great way to turn this around is to put them in charge of what you’re usually doing when they arrive. If you’re putting out chairs as they walk in, invite them to help and then anoint them as leaders of the chair ministry each week. If you’re setting up the stage, begin a stage crew.

4. Introduce structure – Many times students are out of control because of a lack of structure. Adding structural elements to your program, no matter how big or small, will give students something to adhere to. If your program is different every week and is out of control, that could make it difficult for your students to stay focused. An extreme example of structure is a private school with strict rules and uniforms. Although they still have behavioral issues, they will be less in frequency and severity as an underfunded inner-city school with gang problems. When structure and authority (see point number 5 below) are added, the ministry becomes manageable and your efforts can be directed more toward building them into fully devoted followers of Christ instead of hellions that make you want to scream and give up.

5. Assert authority – I don’t think I should write any specific action step here because it requires such a variety of responses based on each specific situation. The bottom line is that allowing unruly students to overshadow ministry efforts prohibits others from being ministered to. When I first started volunteering at Saddleback Church, I had two students who destroyed the community our small group Bible study time. In hind sight, I should have invited them not to return until they could participate in the Bible study without being so disruptive. Because of two students, visitors would not return and regular students stopped attending. I learned my lesson from that situation over the course of a year. Several years of experience later, I would never let that happen today.

If you’re going to last in ministry, you need to have a plan in place to deal with what would try to destroy what God wants to do through you.