Less Than Good Samaritans

Kyle and I went to see a movie this afternoon. While we were talking in the parking garage, an elderly lady approached us asking which direction the car alarm was coming from. She was setting it off from her remote to help her find her car. We pointed the direction the sound was coming from and she walked that direction. We made a couple of jokes about how many days she had probably been wandering around the garage looking for her car and didn’t think any more about it.

As we continued talking, we were distracted by a woman’s voice saying, “Mam. Mam.” We turned to see this woman who had stepped out of her car and was looking up the escalator trying to get the elderly woman’s attention. She had our attention, too. She asked the elderly woman if she wanted to ride in her car so they could drive around the garage until they found her car.

Kyle and I suddenly felt shame. We had not done what we should. We pointed the woman in a direction then made fun of the situation after she was gone. We should have helped her find her car. Whenever we offer even a cup of cold water in Jesus’ name, we’re doing it for him. That kind of rings in my head as I think back to that situation.

The lady found her car and all was well. This was a minor opportunity we missed out on. However, it was a good reminder that we should go the extra mile to help others in Jesus’ name. As a mentor to Kyle, I could have set a great example. As ambassadors of Christ, Kyle and I missed a chance to serve somebody.

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Look and Lead – *Updated

Each year my church hosts the Purpose Driven Youth Ministry Student Leadership Conference. The theme of the 2008 conference was Look. Each session was a different message about looking to Christ, looking out for others, etc. Recently, Travis has become my target of looking out for others.

Travis is one of those guys who fell through the cracks in life. He’s never been part of our ministry and he seems a little disconnected. I’ve come to know him because when he was a child he knew some of my students. They drifted away from each other because they chose different social groups to become part of in high school. They weren’t enemies. They just weren’t in each others’ lives. Lately he and my students have reconnected. He’s shown a deep hunger for friends. What he had must not have been meeting his needs. He’s not overbearing, but I can see him soaking up like a dry sponge what friendship people extend his way.

As they’ve reunited, I’ve come to know Travis. He’s the son of a Jewish dad and a Christian mom. His parents are not actively involved in their religions. Religion, according to Travis, does not come up in their home. Not surprisingly, Travis does not know what to believe. We’ve had a few conversations. The most recent one was about faith. He has listed himself as Atheist on his Facebook profile, but is unsure of what he is.

I see a diamond in Travis. He’s sharp, but lacking direction. He’s friendly, but feels out of place. He’s genuine, but is apprehensive about putting himself out there. Travis doesn’t need to change who he is, he just needs to find direction, acceptance, and freedom to be himself. He will go where he is led. My hope is to lead Travis to Christ.

Having known Travis for only a few weeks, he surprised me the other day. I’m one of those guys who connects with my guys through touch; hugs, rough housing, etc. However, with people I don’t know that well, I give it a while for them to become comfortable with me before getting overly touchy. Apparently Travis was at that point before I realized it. At a party the other night, I was sitting next to Kyle, one of my long-time students who knew Travis as a boy. Travis ran and jumped on us. It was funny, a little painful, and very telling. Travis’s actions communicate what he may be too insecure to say with words. He is telling us he wants to be part of what we have.

My pastor says, “When the fruit is ripe, you don’t have to yank it.” Travis is ripe. Relational ministry (accepting Travis as he is and showing genuine interest in him) has built a bridge between us. This will allow him to cross the bridge from his atheistic uncertainty to confidence in his eternal security.

I’ve been mentoring Kyle for a few years now. Behind the scenes I’ve been talking to him about what I’m doing with Travis. He’s paid close attention to our interactions. Not only will Travis find Christ, but Kyle will have more confidence to proactively reach his friends for Christ.

There are two ministry take-aways from this for volunteers:

The first goes back to what Doug Fields, author and youth worker trainer, says, “You’ve already earned the right to be heard, now speak.” With Travis, I’ve earned the right to be heard by showing a genuine interest in him. If that’s as far as it went, Travis may never progress toward a relationship with Christ.

The second is to do ministry alongside somebody who can learn from your mistakes and success. I’ve been doing this for Kyle for a while. He will be miles ahead of where I was when I started out in ministry because I’ve done for him what I wish somebody had done for me.

Update: On Christmas Day I had this conversation with Travis that started with a comment he wrote on my wall. He wrote a similar comment on a few people’s wall. The great thing is that each person was somebody he’s been hanging out with from my church. He also threw in a light-hearted reference to our conversation about religion by calling himself an Atheist:

Facebook conversation with Travis on Christmas Day

The other night Travis, Kyle and I grabbed a burger. We were having a great time. Eventually the conversation turned serious. I was asking Travis about his family. It may soon deal with divorce. Travis has been dealing with depression and a lack of ambition. He’s not been in the Christian world so he’s full of atheist thoughts, but, even though he doesn’t believe in God, wants to know more about Christians. I told him that he would be a Christian one day, but he wasn’t ready right now. This was in response to his challenge to me to convert him on the spot. Travis wants to logically understand God’s existence and that’s just not going to happen. I kept telling him throughout the conversation that his connection with God would be relational rather than logical and that he wouldn’t understand that until he experienced God first-hand. He will. He’s coming to church Sunday night. I’m very excited about that.

(I changed the student’s name to Travis because I haven’t asked permission to share this story and because it’s still developing.)

Fun Free iPhone Application

Here’s a fun free sound effects application to have on your iPhone. I like having fun stuff on my phone for my students to play with. It’s just one more way to connect and create memories. My 2 year old niece loves this app, too.

Fun free iPhone app

Opening screen of iPhone app

Celebration At Christmas

Christmas Celebration

Last night I participated in a celebration taking place on the street outside the home of a student from my church. Dozens of people were gathered for the event. Nobody left without being amazed at what happened.

The event was a light show unlike any I had ever seen. When I was a boy living in Houston, they closed down the freeway for a laser show projected onto the city sky scrapers. Lasers set to music dashed across the entire city lighting up each building as they scanned the sky. All kinds of shapes spinning and twirling brought amazement to all of us as we sat there on the freeway that night. Even that did not compare to the light show I was witnessing last night on a quiet street in San Clemente, California.

Christmas lights, several strands of them, were wrapped on each tree so they could change colors to the music. Over 50 strobe lights would flash for a split second as the music would hit a staccato note. During a slow Christmas carol, the base of a palm tree gradually turned white as the lights moved higher to light the entire tree. Once completely lit, the blue started; gradually following the path the white had just taken.

Colored circles swirled around the house during upbeat songs as the entire house pulsated with color. The balcony would flash green while the living room wall would flash red and the garage would flash blue – all for a second and then exchange colors. While this was happening, snowflakes of light would spin on the trees and chimney.

Weeks of set up followed a year of preparation for this party of lights. Watching Colby, the student who did the show with a little help from his dad, stand there genuinely humble with little expression on his face was a site. I cannot understand how a person with talent to produce a show which brought giddy joy to so many people could hold his happiness inside with only a faint smile betraying his otherwise nonchalant appearance.

You would think the celebration I’m writing about is Colby’s light show that made Disneyland’s Light Parade seem like the county fair. While the show was amazing, from a youth-ministry perspective, there were other reasons to celebrate that night. The light show was just what made it all come together.

Colby was having his own internal celebration seeing crowds of people drive in for his shows each night. He celebrated bringing their minds into a state of wonder and awe as the Christmas songs played and the lights danced. As each family left, they wished him well and encouraged him on his future in lighting. Colby was celebrating as he took me and a couple of his friends behind the scenes to explain which lights created each effect and which parts of the show had to be taken down and stored each night. The feeling of accomplishment was his celebration.

I was celebrating a student who works hard for the joy of others. Colby took donations for a cause he supports. That, too, was selfless. I was celebrating the people who attended the show because of their encouragement of Colby. I was also excited to see his supporting mom beaming with motherly pride as she brought out drinks for the guests.

Watching the show last night was a treat. Taking joy in the elements was a celebration; the appreciative crowds, the beaming mom, and the servant-hearted Colby making it all happen.

Yes Does Wonders

Our church has a cars ministry. They fix them up to give or sell at a low cost to needy families. The woman in this story was declined to receive a car through the application process. She did not like the answer “no” and wasn’t going to settle for it. She either wanted a car or to be put back on the list to get in line for a car.

After much debate with this lady, the church staff member who had been unsuccessfully trying to get her to accept the news came to me for help. Of course, who do people typically go to when there’s dirty work to do – the youth guy. Her request of me was simple, “Please go to the lobby and tell the woman she did not get a car and she cannot be placed back on the list.”
Being a big fan of the word, “yes”, I thought about the scenario as I made my way to the lobby. No matter what, I was going to give the woman a “yes”. I just had to figure out how to phrase it. It came as a flash of genius as the words were coming out of my mouth. It must have been a Holy Spirit-inspired moment.

I told the woman, “Yes, you can get back on the list to apply for a car. That will not be a problem.” Her attack-mode demeanor softened while the poison-laden words she reserved for me evaporated. With her on my side, I followed that comment up with the caveat, “We just can’t put you back on the list for one year. Those are the rules of the car program. As soon as the year is up, we’ll gladly put you back on.”

With a quick thank you from her, that part of the story came to a satisfying end. I was anxious for what I knew would come next. I knew it was going to be good.

I walked back to report what happened. Before I could say a word, the staff member with hopeful, but timid, words asked me what I told her. I said that I told the woman yes she could get back on the list. After that I didn’t say a word. I just watched the atomic bombs of fury going off in her eyes. If she’s going to have the youth guy do her dirty work, I have to get something out of it, right? It was better than the 4th of July. She was livid… until I told her the rest of the story.
That whole exchange, from being asked to talk to the woman to having a little fun with the staff member took less than 10 minutes. The argument that ensued before I got involved had been going on for weeks. It’s amazing what the power of a well-used “yes” can do.

In your ministry, diplomacy goes a very long way. Look for ways to tell people what they want to hear with integrity and then work in the caveats of truth that they would be less receptive to hear otherwise. This usually requires more thought than I had time for in this situation. Typically we should be slow to speak so we can speak with wisdom, diplomacy and words that help or heal.
Diplomacy is an art I’ve developed over several years of maddening situations like the one above. The prideful, rules-are-rules, proving-your-way-is-right poke in the eye, stirs up anger. A diplomatic gentle answer turns away wrath. Please pardon the scriptural paraphrase.

The Ministry of Time

This year I had considered giving the book Blue Like Jazz to my students. I want to finish reading it first, though, to make sure I like it enough to give it to them. I’m not finished reading it so I went with something better… time. Most ministry happens through experiences rather than through teaching. I’m giving my students a coupon for a free meal with me at the time of their choosing. This will probably be a little more expensive than a book, but will bring in more rewards on the relational side of ministry.

This is what I’ll put inside their Christmas cards:

Christmas Gift for Students - Free Meal w/Me

Small Group Christmas Card Doubles As Ministry Tool

2008 Christmas Card

I take pictures of my guys as often as it makes sense to do it. I use these pictures for things like this Christmas card. For me, this Christmas card serves a few purposes:

1. Wish my guys a Merry Christmas in a cool way
2. Give them something they’ll want to keep
3. Remind them of some fun times
4. Build community
5. Give them a warm fuzzy feeling of belonging

Great Student Christmas Gift for Guys – *Updated

Update: In the blogpost below I suggest Blue Like Jazz as a great gift for high school guys. I mentioned that I wanted to finish reading it to make sure before giving it to them. I’m near the end of the book and I have a different idea instead. Don Miller has written a great book. However, my concern in giving this to my students is some of the content. He regularly talks about how he and his friends drink and smoke. He also writes about some worldly events that happen at his university. Because his lifestyle choices do not support what I want to impress on my students, I will not be purchasing this book for them.

However, that doesn’t mean I don’t love this book. What I plan to do instead is to include his concepts in with my teaching as I lead small group. That way they can benefit from his great content and I can feel good that I’m not promoting unhealthy lifestyle choices.

_____________________

I’ve started reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It’s a great book about his journey of faith. I will finish reading the book before deciding definitively to buy it for my guys.

What attracts me to the idea of giving this book to my guys is:

1. I love his writing style as much as his content. As my friend Doug Fields would say, “This guy really knows how to turn a phrase.” His style is as brilliant as his message.
2. His message is about owning your faith. This book reinforces with humor and thought-provoking imagery what I passionately want to instill in my students
3. I don’t 100% agree with everything the author says… I’m a conservative and he is liberal. I think it will be good for my students to engage in something that will challenge the intellect behind what they believe so they can own their beliefs or adjust them.
4. This book will hold their attention. Donald Miller shows the good, the bad and the ugly about his own life which will make it safe for my boys to get real with their own feelings that they have been stuffing behind a facade of “everything is normal and okay”.
5. If they all read this book, the trip to deeper intimacy within our small group will be shorter and easier.
6. I know the high school pastor of church is reading this blog and I’m hoping he’s so impressed with my idea that he offers to chip in toward these books or pay for them completely out of his budget.

So far, my favorite quote from this book is, “I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. That us why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If be can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God.”

Merry Christmas!

Dennis

Knowing Volunteers

Tonight our high school ministry had our Christmas party. It was dinner at a local Italian restaurant followed by the movie of our choice. Dinner seating was a little off. I had attended the party with close friends who were volunteers, but got seated a little down from them so I was sitting across from an older couple I had never met. She is a new volunteer and her husband is not involved in the ministry at all.

My initial internal reaction was to be a little bummed. I wasn’t there to make new friends, but wanted to connect with some people I was already good friends with, but don’t get to see as often as I’d like. My attitude wasn’t what it should have been.

As I began talking to this couple across from me, my attitude quickly changed. They were incredibly pleasant and obviously had a lot of life experience to bring to the ministry. I was a little bummed at myself for my initial attitude.

Our ministry has over 100 volunteers. There’s no way I will ever know all of them on a deep, personal level. However, the lesson I was reminded of tonight was to use events like this to welcome new leaders and start to build bridges to them. I will soon finish my 10th year volunteering for this ministry. As a veteran leader, I need to be more open to coming alongside other leaders who are just starting out.

The problem that rises out of newbies who don’t get welcomed is they feel like our leadership team is a club that’s difficult to get into. They can feel like everybody has known everybody forever and all of their stories are full of inside jokes. That’s how I felt when I first started volunteering. As a person who’s been there, I’d like to be the one who makes sure others don’t go through that, too.

If you’re a veteran volunteer in your ministry, who can you encourage and welcome on your leadership team? I bet you’ll keep leaders longer and your ministry will be stronger because of your efforts.